Healthy Fat; and “the shuuga”

I’ve always prided myself on being a healthy fat. A fat girl, “but I could hit the splits tho”, a fat girl, but, I had perfect blood pressure, cholesterol and average blood sugar, a fat girl, but “yo nigga bound ” a fat girl, but anyways, you get the gist. These were all things that I believed made one “healthy.” For years, I tricked myself into believing that I was healthy despite being morbidly obese. When my asthma came back while I was pregnant and stayed long after my baby was born, I told myself that my son’s big ass had shifted some shit around and I had just been smoking too much. I told ya’ll about when my knee started popping a few months ago and although I knew that it had to do with all this damn weight being placed on them, I attributed it to me getting old.

For the last three years I have done nothing but make excuses as to why I was fat as hell. I strongly believe that a warning comes before a fall; yet for years, I did not follow my own advice. I believe my knee pain was my warning, but I did little to remedy the problem because it was only a minor inconvenience. Now I have fuckin fallen, I got the got damn sugar. At the end of March, I found out that I had diabetes I was shocked. Like, I don’t even like sugar. I mean, I eat candy but only sour or gummy shit. That couldn’t have that much sugar right? I’m not even a fan of cakes and cookies and pies what the hell? When I got the news, I just so happened to be at an office party, drinking and eating cake (I know what I JUST said about cake, mind your fucking business.) Now listen, I cried, then,… I cried. I cried one more time before conjuring up thoughts of me having to get my foot amputated and ending up on “The 600lb Bitch”. I just knew I was going to die, go blind, and get an even blacker neck. (Yes, the black neck is attributed to diabetes. Quit fucking with people you assholes.)

I found out that I had the shugga while I was at work. Upon finding out, I stepped away from our office party and immediately called my Nurse Practitioner. She told me that I shouldn’t stress about it because it can be managed, but like how tf can you relax? I was back in her office within a week of my diagnosis. She referred me to an endocrinologist where I attended three, four-hour classes meant to inform me all about my cute new disorder. This class cost me 12 hours of fucking PTO and took me through several different highs and lows. Although this class had me shook, thinking about all of the negative side effects I could encounter, I would take the class again and recommend anyone who was recently diagnosed with Diabetes to take this class. I learned a lot and I honestly think that this it’s can be taken care of within the next 6 months I lost a little bit of poundage already! I have gotten off my ass more days this month than ever in the last year. I made little changes and I think that this is going somewhere! I don’t know. At first I just I was nervous I was so nervous and I was going through some other shit and then this shit happened and it set me on my fuckin a*. My weight loss goals just became 10 times more important. I have to make it happen.

I skipped out on doing another round of Whole30 again because I needed to make a lifestyle change not just a detox. I needed something that I could maintain. Due to the fact that I love dairy products Whole30 wasn’t the one for me. Instead, I looked into Keto which is also a diet that focuses on getting your body in a ketogenic state so that it burns fat instead of carbs. Keto was a diet that my nutritionist and nurse practitioner told me to stay away from. I did cut my carb intake in half, and I work out more every day to make sure that I’m burning the damn carbs off after I eat them so I don’t get too much of a sugar rush. I was also prescribed Metformin which makes you have bubble guts for 90% of the day, but also helps regulate your blood sugar. On occasion, I still have my bread or pasta but I make sure that it doesn’t exceed 30g and that I am having more vegetables than pasta.My doctor also told not to try to skip out on having my piece of cake or cookie and instead advised me to do it all in moderation and know that if I’m gonna have something sweet or something that’s a carb it’s gonna break down faster than a protein would, and that I should monitor my sugar after consumption.

A few weeks ago, I was so nervous. I was ready to go straight to the bariatric center and get that weight loss surgery (literally the only thing that improves diabetes instantaneously.) I never would’ve thought that taking a 3 part class would help me feel so much peace it’s crazy but I’m ready and this shit will be controlled in one year. Damn, I wanna say 6 months or less but that kinda scares me a little bit I guess us what it’s supposed to do though. Keep yaw devil candy away from me.

So, this week I will be posting more than usual because I’ve had a lot on my fucking mind and some shit needs to be addressed. Thank you so much for still continuing to stick with me and read and be present and ask me when new stories are coming out, gas me up OK! I love it! I love you all.

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