The Pordee…

I haven’t been writing because I’ve been fucking planning.

My baby turned three on December 11th. My birthday is December 13th (I know, no one cares). Before this party, he had only had small gatherings at home with his dad and I. This year, I finally felt like he was ready and that he would understand it all. I planned this cute little party, I told people not to bring gifts and just a kid and a smile.

Okay, so first things first. Parties are bull shit. I know there are tons of people who are out there and like all about planning a party, I am not the one, nor the two okay. Next year I will have this shit planned by June so I won’t have shit to worry about and have fully completed gift bags so I don’t have my friends putting them together at the damn party (we ghetto, kiss my ass so what).

I booked the location about two months ago,(I guess good parents book at least 6 months in advance)but decided to go gather the decorations, three days before said party while I was drunk. (Mama gotta have a life too Lanny) I pulled into Walmart, hit the white Remy a few times and thought “great, you’re really going to only get the things you need” Boy, was I fucking wrong. I spent an hour (drunk AF) at Walmart getting shit that I definitely did not need for a three-year-old’s party, I ended up finding cute pajamas and all types of other miscellaneous shit. Okay, fine, that’s fine then it gets better.

On the day of the party, my son wanted to act a fuckin ass. Like I was thisclose to throwing the whole kid away. After I fought to get my kid showered and in pajamas and schlepped off to his aunts so that he could get his hair braided, my home-girl called asking me what I was doing. I told her that I was on the way to Walmart to return the bullshit I had bought days earlier. BIG MISTAKE. I picked her up, we smoked and went to return all the bs I’d bought. Then went shopping and picked up brand new bs (this bs was needed). I again, spent too much (I guess Landon’s worth it)but I didn’t care at this point the party was only an hour away and both Landon and I weren’t dressed, the cake hadn’t been picked up and I had another kid to go pick up.

I rushed to go meet the cake lady and get dressed. In the process I dropped my home-girl off to grab her daughter, I asked how long it would take and she said “only a minute” after waiting 20 minutes I told her I’d have to come back for her. I then sped to the CD to get my baby and my friend Jam and her son. After getting Landon ready and rushing out the house, it was 4:45 pm. The party was at 5:00 pm and in Burien which was about 30 minutes away.

Everyone is starting to call me and I’m freaking out, but I finally get there! Landon is sleep and I wake him up so he can run some energy out but now I have to go get the fucking pizzas for the party. I rush to Roundtable (get lost on the way) the pizzas are not done so I have to sit and wait another 15 minutes, but I get them and rush back. My phone is on 4% at this time and I’m missing my baby’s whole party :(. But I make it!

I watch my son and all his cousins play for the next 30 minutes and sigh because it’s almost finally over. My friends make Landon’s gift bags and I relax. We sing Happy Birthday, cut the cake and eat some pizza and it’s over.

Next year, I’ll have the venue, gift bags, menu and guest list done by fucking June. Proper planning prevents piss poor performance. In short, I ain’t no damn party planner but I did a great fucking job. I have to learn to be on YT folks time and no drinking and purchasing. All in all, I learned my damn lesson.

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