Make it Like It Was Part 3 (1 of…)

So where did I leave off…

Okay so now we’re both unemployed. In love but broke. And to top it off, my dumb a** discarded birth control days after my 20th birthday in December (smfh.) For Hoodrat couples there are only a few options, sell drugs and/or box, rap, or play basketball. I wasn’t selling no p**** so Wiz became a hood florist. (Is coca a flower?)

What started out as us being together every day, turned into me seeing him once a week to once a month. I was losing it! I’d started working again at a hotel as a guest service Agent. Things were starting to look up! Except it was now February and I hadn’t seen a period.

My boo face and I went to the ER (another Hoodrat had told us how she had her pregnancy confirmed by going to the ER and saying she had stomach pains so as dumb ass20-year-oldss we were all for it.) Anyway, boo face had an ultrasound and it showed that she was having a baby!!!! My ultrasound was clear. I wasn’t pregnant! My period was clearly late due to stress. I celebrated by giving Wiz a little box. (Actually the last box of mine that he’d have for a while.)

In late March, my “period” finally came. Days before it came I had horrible cramps. I would be at work and burst out in tears from the pain. Then one day I felt like I had to use the bathroom. I got up to go and my body told me to push, I felt whatever it was, passing through my body. I knew something wasn’t right. I sat on the toilet and I instinctively cupped my hands under my vagina. Out came a huge (about the size of a baseball), thing. It was red, with greyish bits, jellied, and gross. I cried, threw up and ran to Google for an explanation of what was happening to me, but I already knew from having experienced this before…

The weeks drifted by and I heard from Wiz less and less. I hadn’t seen him since February at this point. Yet and still, I kept my box to myself, which was crazy to me, cuz I’d never been loyal to any man. (None of them deserved it though so shh) May came and I started talking to this midget f*** he was cocky, cute and had schlong. Every FB status I wrote he commented on making s*** hot. One day Wiz commented “lol” on a post we were all on. I instantly stopped responding.

A couple of weeks after the comment I got call from Wiz’s trap line. He was beefing asking for an explanation on who “nigga who shall not be named” was. I told him he was just a friend and that I’d been abstinent (I mean receiving oral is still abstaining right?) for the last few months. He wasn’t hearing it and told me that he wasn’t f***** with me, which was obvious since I hadn’t seen, sucked or f***** on, him again, since FEBRUARY. I let him know that was fine and that I would be doing my thing till I saw him.

The next few months were a drunken hot mess blur. It was summer again “nigga who shall not be named” was still serving, but I was growing bored of him. I started poppin it in the CD and I was in love with a Southside n**** we gonna call him “Gin.” Gin was your run of the mill boyfriend pimp, but he was fine used enough big words and metaphors to make you think he was smart, and he looked like a chocolate Malcom X. I needed… Until we actually linked up.

It was another drunken CD night I was with Rebecca (the white girl from my first few posts), my home girl Violet, and of course the hood niggas Ezekiel, LP, and Dez (Dez is now my BD we’ll discuss later.) I’d chased Hennessy with Tequila and been drunk for the better part of the day. My white best friend had parlayed through the hood with me and it was time to wrap s*** up. I went to a corner and drunk dialed Gin he told me to slide! My home girl Violet said that she would take my best friend, Rebecca home after dropped me off at Gin’s granny house (yes my mcm lived with his granny, he was 32 lol.)

As I was getting out the car Rebecca yelled out “you’re finna regret this.” And boy did I ever. Disappointment is an understatement (and I was lit which like how can you f*** this up my guy?) He actually tried to convince me (with weak d*** at that) to give him my social security number (lmao I don’t care how drunk I am I will lie QUICK) I confidently recited then wrote down a fake SSN (no licks on my name Biiiiiiiiitch.)

As the sun crept up, I slowly erased Gin from my body count, and memory and vowed never to speak of the experience again(I’m only telling you guys so please keep it on the low). Rebecca also told me about her disappointing d***. Again, it was very sad cuz her man was in prison and she hadn’t got any in like a year and then to have it be weak. Ugh. It was far too much. I continued to kick it in the CD and eventually connected with Brianna, a stud and Violet’s cousin.

To me, Brianna was just someone to love me. I was sad, lonely and needed the void to be filled. Brianna did just that. We spent all of our days kissing and licking. I loved her. She loved me; she catered to my every need. When I was sick she was over, when I was broke, she had it. But she was too young and not Wiz i.e.: a man with a huge penis so we could never truly be.

In September, after only a blissful month and a half with Brianna, I received a call from Wiz. He missed me and he was sorry and blah blah womp womp. I told Brianna and she was pissed I’d even talked to him. To me, Wiz was my baby daddy so duhhh imma answer. About a week after the call, Wiz asked if he could come over. I agreed and I was again, dickmitized. I didn’t want to hurt Brianna any more than I’d already done so I broke up with her. She cried, tried to talk me out of it and asked what she did. I gave her the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech and pushed ahead. We still saw each other and talked every day but I put her in a situationship she didn’t deserve and I had to leave her alone.

Wiz had disappeared into the shadows again but would still call randomly. I went back to my Southside nigs. They were the most hood of niggas but were polite, friendly gentlemen. Ezekiel showed interest in Violet, who was very clearly a lesbian. The crew had started kicking it at Dez’s granny house at this point and we were all comfortable with each other. I turned 21, lost my mind and became an alcoholic.

On February 4th, 2012 the crew pulled up to I90 Park. We turned on music and I took the opportunity to show how I could make my a** clap on the cold grated table. 99 bananas and Paul Masson took me over the edge and I was suddenly extremely horny. I was nearly black out drunk and highly aware of the cold that was slapping at my bare legs. I suggested that we go to Dez’s. Dez and Zeke and I sat on the couch watching TV. I heard them talking about smackers and my ears perked up. I had never popped a pill before and I wanted to see what the hype was about. I asked Zeke if I could have one and he replied: “oh you’re fuckin me tonight?” I gave him an up-down and sat back in my seat. He shot back “I thought so.”

I sat quietly for the next five minutes or so until my body alerted me that it had needs. My homegirl Synquis was throwing up and asleep on the toilet and Violet was passed out. I sat on the floor close to the bed Violet was lying on and pulled out Herbie, my beautiful purple, vibrating lover. I went into a daze until I realized both Zeke and Dez were staring. I stopped what I was doing and Dez stood up, grabbed my hand and led me to his bedroom. It went DOWN okay! Never in my life has a first time with someone been THAT good. We passed out holding each other till we were awakened by the sound of his granny screaming. He jumped up made her tea and some gross breakfast concoction. I told him to get out the kitchen and made her regular bacon eggs and toast and brought it to her(wow was I a ‘pick me’ before it was popular). She thanked me and I walked back to the room where the rest of the crew was.

“Oh s*** the Super bowl is today” is the first thing I heard as I walked into the room. Violet and Synquis looked at me and Synquis yelled: “eh eh where were yo antennas?” I laughed, told her to mind her business and sat on the couch next to Zeke. He suggested that we watch the game at Dez’s and Dez being the hongree n**** he was said: “what we gonna eat?”

I went back into the kitchen, washed my hands and pulled out a bag of wing flings. “You want some fried chicken?” For the next hour I battered and fried chicken. Everyone was coming in and out the kitchen telling me how bomb it was. Then I realized what I was doing “umm none of Y’all are my n**** and only one of you dropped off the good,”I told them. I immediately stopped frying chicken made my ass a top ramen and sat the hell down. We all watched the game and made it home at around 6 to shower and get ready for the evening.

At this time I’d started working for a hostel and toned down on drinking. The crew was starting to drift apart. Wiz was calling again and showing that he wanted me back. We got back together and I started staying my a** at home. Crew love was gone but I had my n**** back so who really cares.

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